Relationships are a fundamental part of who we are and our experience of life. We often, however, spend little time truly thinking about our relationships outside of the times when someone has delighted or upset us.

In truth, not all of our relationships are good for us and there will be some that could be so much more than they currently are. Our ability to honestly consider the benefits or problems with our relationship is hidden behind social expectations, a propensity for conformity and just not bothering with the time and effort to think about them.

Putting time aside to consider each of our relationships and to ensure that we understand how they fit in to how we want our lives to be is a foundation to building the best life. We need a plan to get have the relationships we want with the people we wish to have them with.

Familial relationships generally come with both a social and a moral burden. The moral burden is a key factor here. It’s just not right to walk away from our elderly parents at a time that they need our love and care, merely because they are no longer providing us with the expectations we now have from our relationships.

Reciprocity

A foundation for the most successful relationships is reciprocity. Where the individuals share the same values, have a shared goal or enjoy undertaking the same activity AND both individuals gain a benefit from doing it together.

This is as true of our spouse or partner as it is of the group we watch the game with. With reciprocity comes a togetherness and a feeling of wellbeing that stems back to our primal need to bond to survive.

Where those in question have shared values, a shared goal and benefit from enjoying the same activity, there can be a special bond that permits an even closer and essential relationship.

Symbiosis

Not all successful relationships require reciprocity. Symbiosis is where there is a benefit to both individuals which is not based on the sharing of values, goals or similar interests.

Symbiosis is an unmatched benefit in a relationship. These relationships can be very successful if there is honesty and openness about the symbiosis but they can be toxic if they are masquerading as reciprocal relationships.

Work or tutorial relationships can be very successful symbiotic relationships and many symbiotic relationships can resolve into a reciprocal state. Openness and honesty from both parties are the essential element, however. Without that, there is a high likelihood that either the relationship will be disadvantaging one or both of the parties or that the relationship will break down with bad feeling and recrimination.